“We don’t rise to the standards we have when others are watching. We fall to the standards we have when no one is watching. The only work that really matters is the work that no one sees. It shows you who you really are — and who you say you are.”
I see this every season.
A talented lacrosse player—maybe the best on their team—struggling to find motivation when spring rolls around. They feel like no one around them cares as much. That the level of play isn’t good enough. That the environment is holding them back.
If I had a dime for how many times I’ve heard, “Coach, I don’t even want to play spring ball anymore—these guys just aren’t serious,” I’d be retired by now.
I get it.
I grew up in California, coached in Alabama, and now in Tennessee—places where lacrosse wasn’t a cultural norm. The disparity in skill, athleticism, and pure competitive drive between players can be massive.
But here’s the truth: this mindset—believing your environment is the problem—is what’s holding you back.
The Standards You Live By When No One’s Watching
Parents, this is where leadership starts.
Not with what your athlete does when they’re surrounded by other good players, but when they’re surrounded by players who aren’t.
Because leadership isn’t about convenience—it’s about consistency.
If your athlete is the best player on their team, good. That’s their challenge. That’s their proving ground. That’s where they learn to raise the standard—not wait for someone else to set it.
The work that no one sees—those solo wall ball sessions, the extra lifts, the shots after dark—those aren’t just reps. They’re character reps.
They build discipline, patience, and self-trust. They show whether an athlete truly loves the game or just loves the attention the game brings.
Turning Frustration Into Leadership
If your athlete feels too good for their team, that’s not a problem—it’s an opportunity.
It’s your job as the parent to reframe it for them, to remind them that leadership is built in moments like this.
And if you’re the athlete reading this—take this in for what it is.
Find the best player on the field in any category—ground balls, defense, shooting—and compete with them at their level. Try to beat them at their own game.
Teach one teammate something new each week. If you’re that much better than your peers, sharing value with them will build trust and elevate your leadership stock. Start with one teammate but this should be constant once your get comfortable with it.
Keep a private log of your efforts, your daily work, and how you’re making people around you better. It’s one of the simplest ways to build confidence, track growth, and reinforce a positive internal voice.
That’s what great leaders do — they make others better, even when no one notices.
The Fear of Failing in Public
To understand why players sometimes struggle to step up, you have to look at what holds them back.
And part of it is visibility.
Everything is online now — every missed pass, every bad game, every comment.
That pressure can make athletes turtle up and avoid risk altogether.
But the fear of failure is a gift if they can push through it. It builds resilience and grit.
The best players aren’t the ones who avoid failure. They’re the ones who train so relentlessly in the dark that, when the lights come on, they’re unshakable.
Remember — you’re not unshakable in the beginning.
Learning these skills is tough. But if you have a teammate or peer who encourages you through it, you’ll improve faster, build confidence, and help others do the same.
That kind of leadership always finds its way back to you in the form of growth, respect, and opportunity.
The Takeaway
Parents and athletes, remember this:
The goal isn’t to find the perfect team that motivates your player. The goal is to become the kind of player that makes any team better.
Wherever you go, make it better.
Your environment doesn’t define you — your habits do. Especially when no one’s watching.
So when that moment comes—and it always does—you’ll be ready to rise to the occasion.
You’ll stand on the foundation you’ve built, not to meet someone else’s standard, but your own.
Want to Build This Mindset?
If your athlete is interested in developing their leadership, discipline, and box lacrosse IQ, join our Box Blueprint Player Program.
We meet weekly to dive deep into mindset, leadership, and the skills that create elite-level players both on and off the floor.
📅 Next Call: Wednesday, November 5th at 7:00 p.m. CST
👉 Sign up here